This blog entry is focused on communication. There is little doubt that storytelling is an incredibly effective way to get your message across. Unfortunately, my father recently passed away on “Good Friday” April 15, 2022. In reflecting on his life, it was clear he had a story to tell. The challenge was determining what to leave out, what to include, and how long to speak. I wrote his eulogy and delivered it on April 21, 2022.
This blog entry is submitted as an example in the event you are called upon to do a eulogy and decide a story format may be the best way to go.
Biondi Funeral Home
Nutley, New Jersey
Henry Wells Eulogy
I want to tell you a story about a man who finished well.
It begins at a time when Harry Truman was serving as President of the United States, gas was 15 cents a gallon and Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in baseball, taking the field for the Brooklyn Dodgers. On May 1st of that same year in 1947 Henry Wells was born to Joseph and Julia Wells in a large family with 12 siblings. He was one of 12.
Henry would go on to graduate from Belleville High School in 1965 in a town where the Wells name had strong roots dating back generations. His young life was about to be impacted greatly because shortly after graduation he would be drafted to war and sent to Vietnam.
In 1966 he would go to Fort Riley, Kansas for basic training with so many others and be shipped out. He would fight and serve honorably in a war that was divisive and emotional back home in the United States. He would know death, and pain and trauma. He would come home and have nightmares screaming “look out, look out!” in the middle of the night. These were difficult days in the life of Henry Wells; many of you knew him as “Hank.”
Would Hank recover and finish well? Stay with me.
He married Lynn Mitchell in 1967. They were young, and after Vietnam, began to build a life together. They would have three boys Richard, Rory and Ryan and try their best to provide a good life. It was hard.
Throughout the 70’s and 80’s the family would vacation down the Jersey Shore. Some of you may remember summers in Long Branch, the Fountains Motel and Hank sitting on the corner chair at Big Al’s Boardwalk Pub. His kids bugging him for money throughout the day for snacks and rides. Life was good.
Hank would go on to build a career in the pharmaceutical industry, first with a company called UOP Inc, in East Rutherford NJ. From there, in 1980 he moved on to a better job with Merck & Company, a multinational company whose products, medicines and vaccines have improved the quality of life for millions of people all over the planet. He had money in his pocket, a nice car, and a gorgeous head of hair.
Hank would retire from Merck after 25 years and although he never graduated college, he would rise to the position of Senior Manufacturing Supervisor. Nearing the completion with his time at Merck, one personal note reads:
“Thank you for coming out of retirement to rejoin the factory during one of the roughest times in its history. Your diligence in setting expectations, recognizing, and rewarding good behavior, coaching, counseling, disciplining poor behavior, and keeping daystaff in the loop…has been greatly appreciated.”
Another memo reads:
Henry undoubtedly contributed to the success of this organizational change by quickly learning the new processes, new equipment, and new people in the new areas he was overseeing. Henry’s wisdom and experience have carried him far…he has been a true mentor to many of us.”
It seemed at this point in the story Henry was set to finish well. But in fact, all was not well.
Henry and Lynn’s marriage was on the rocks. There was hurt feelings, depression, and children to think about. After years of deterioration – divorce would play its hand. In 1997, thirty years after first marrying Lynn the marriage would dissolve. It was a painful time for everyone.
Would Hank still finish well? He didn’t know what the future would hold but it is here where he started working on his second act. He didn’t give up.
He met a woman named Patricia who also had a son named Anthony. They would begin the work of building a life together and Anthony would love him as a father figure. He loved Patty and she loved him. They too had some difficult days, but they stuck it out in pursuit of a happy life. He would also come to know and love her family. Patricia’s brother and sisters, Donna, Roni, Marc, their cousin Ritchie, of course Momma Pat and her entire family. They loved Hank very much.
They would all spend a lot of time together, weekends at Marc and Jen’s home in Emerson, daytrips to Atlantic City, holidays and birthdays eating and drinking laughing and talking. Hank and Patty became joined at the hip and hosted a Christmas buffet dinner every year. Anyone was welcome and could eat and socialize. Life was still hard, but they were managing well.
Hank was well read. He enjoyed talking politics, economics, and world affairs. He spent time with his sisters Barbara, Alice, and Josephine whether it was in Belleville, over at David and Lorraine’s, Sandy’s home in Connecticut or visiting Barbara in Washington DC. Every once in a long while, but not often enough he would get to see his brother Bill who lives in Vermont. Hank and Patty would always reach out, if not in person, over the phone. While Hank and Patty were not rich the things that have eternal value they were getting right.
You may think at this point, Hank finished well. But if the story ended here, it would be titled “Unfinished Business.”
You see, there was little girl who was always so close but remained so far away. That little girl would grow up and live several lifetimes without knowing her father. She would have children and grandchildren and now, a grown woman would constantly think about the father she never knew. It was painful for her, you see, she had also lost her mother and her sister.
Through her persistence she would find Lynn, Hank’s first wife, and ask to reconcile with her brothers. Hank’s daughter is the same age as Hank’s middle son Rory and her name is Tanya Bishop. Tanya met her brothers and ultimately met her father after decades of resistance. Tanya will never know Hank as we knew him, but she got to meet him a few times before his passing completing a critical milestone for both of them. She begins a new chapter, with her newfound brothers, Hank’s legacy.
Only now can I speak of finishing well. Hank’s recognition of his daughter, his service to his church and his faith in God. His life of service as a grandfather, father, brother, husband, and friend. It would have been nice to have him around a little longer as we walk into the future, but God had plans to take him home.
I don’t know what heaven looks like but when I get there, I’m gonna cross the river of life, walk down the street of gold and into the mansion. I’m gonna walk past the dining room and through the kitchen and I’m gonna find the back porch; because I know that’s where my father is. He is enjoying a cup of coffee and a pack of smokes thinking about us right now.
Congratulations Hank, you never gave up and you finished well.